Five Steps To Letting Go When You Want to Hold On
May 3, 2018
How to Become Your Own BFF – Best Friend Forever
May 31, 2018
Today I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn’t.
If it’s not mine, I won’t keep it. I will deal with myself, my issues, and my responsibilities.
I will take my hands off what is not mine. – Melody Beattie
Do you know what belongs to you and what doesn’t? Can you take ownership of what’s yours and let others possess what is rightfully theirs? How do you draw the property line?
Your property consists of your behaviours, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices and messages; your ability to love, care and nurture; your thoughts, denials, hopes and dreams. Whether you allow yourself to be controlled, manipulated, deceived or mistreated is your business and your property.
In dealing with others how do you recognize the dividing line to what belongs to them and what belongs to you? Having parameters to benchmark individual property lines guides you in distinguishing where one-line ends, and another begins. Consider the following as you mark your private property lines … If someone:
- Has a problem, a feeling, a self-defeating behaviour, an addiction, that is their property not yours;
- Is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative, that is their issue not yours;
- Has acted and experienced a consequence, both the behaviour and the consequence belong to them;
- Is in denial or cannot think clearly on an issue, that confusion belongs to them;
- Has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is their property, not yours;
- Lies, deceives, tricks, manipulates, uses abusive, cheating or tacky behaviours, it belongs to them, not to you;
- Hopes and dreams, it’s theirs;
- Feels guilty, is happy or miserable, it’s theirs;
- Has beliefs and messages it’s theirs; and if someone
- Doesn’t like themselves, that’s their choice, just as your choices are yours.
If something is not yours, it is not your responsibility to take it on. If you do take it, learn to give it back as you allow the other person to take ownership of what is theirs, and take loving care of what’s theirs.
My hope is that you choose your property line based on values and principles that build your self-worth and personal value.
Do you need help setting your property lines? Contact me at betty@bettyfranklin.com
***Paraphrased from “The Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie.
